pushing things back

i'm postponing my return to shaolin for a host of reasons i'd prefer not to get into here. the excitement & accompanying fear of training has not changed of course but i need more time. temple will always be there for me to go to. soon enough.

coincidentally & unrelated to my decision above made yesterday afternoon, there is a problem within our shaolin gang. i heard about it last night for the first time & i must confess i was not entirely surprised. i oddly felt something was afoot & i felt completely left out of it. i'm at a loss as to what to say about it all. frankly i think the issue that lead up to it is nothing new & i have discussed it with heng ji (& even some of my closest friends at temple) before & we did so again last night. heng ji is clear to what the next step should be. as for me, it's not so clear what to do with this group. on one hand, this is exactly what i most detest about group dynamics: that an individual issue becomes a group one, discussed & dealt with in a forum. being who i am i definitely talk about everything with my friends especially personal problems but i would handle the confrontation part solo. on the other hand, there was already discontent to precipitate this issue which i am sure fed it some more which each individual adding their experience. i will discuss this with each of the people in person where warranted & if they are amicable. i can't really say this has nothing to do with me for clearly it does! this may not change lines already drawn in the sand though. for that i am sad.