this one is about me

i think i mentioned i had another blog all snapdragon related but when i read through this one it is impossible to separate ME from the snapdragon activity. or is it? for the next minute or two it will be just about me. fair warning, folks.
now that i am on maternity leave i cannot imagine being a stay at home mom. the days all bleed into one another & not having a schedule even for lunch is strange. moving the car the other day i was all happy to park on what i thought was the right side when really i had my days screwed up & had to move the car in the morning again. i mean really! docs say my weight has been fluctuating, i.e. i lost 6 lbs last week & they asked if there was anything odd. yes there is! i don't have to go to lunch or i don't look forward to taking a lunch break walk around soho (with my buddy heng cheng). so i forget to take lunch. although i do eat throughout the day as i did before preggers.
i am going on a tangent here for a minute: did you know that for every pound you gain, it's 4 lbs of pressure on your poor knees? think about it.
i have never weighed this much in my life & my poor legs feel it. of course it's a bloody good worthwhile cause but still i do feel heavier even if as my friends say i am all tummy. i am sure the entire system will feel better once i get back to (a) my regular size, (b) kung fu training & (c) create a good regularly scheduled program for dogs, snapdragon, koibito & myself.
although i am not sick of being preggers yet (i read all these weird things about other preggos), it does concern me that the snapdragon's arrival will need to be induced next week if she doesn't appear on her own. it all revolves around my age. let's face it, i am not typically like a woman my age. [if you don't know the age then take a guess]. in talking with my bloodbrother about the indications of labor i need to watch out for, he had to interject that i am used to different kind of pain & therefore may not succumb to these hardships in the same way. yes well we are shaolin over here but i imagine i will know when things are serious enough to warrant a run t the hospital or at least a phone call to my doctors.
but back to me, i don't deal well with drugs. i don't mean the fun ones. i mean i don't take anything for illness or headache or aches or pains. i simply ride things out & the thought of being pumped full of different drugs to induce me really freaks me out since my system is very clean & unused to synthetics. even the fun drugs i do like are all quite natural. i had to remind the doctor of that yesterday & she said the doses will be small & gradual. let's hope.
things are changing, some more drastically that i am prepared for & i am sure i will find my role forming on it's own. i imagine every woman feels this way to some degree even those who have wanted motherhood or had some expectation how things are going to be with children. i must admit i don't have expectations, per say. i had a great upbringing but even from that i will do things very differently. there are awesome rolemodels for mothers & fathers around & i will take from these people freely. i hope to also formulate my own way & a way for heng ji & i to be a united front. i am sure things will come with time & it will be trial & error especially because the snapdragon will be a unique individual. i hope i am up to the task.
in the meantime i will be taking all the best advice i have heard: i will be taking a nap for a bit taking full advantage of this special time before my schedule is no longer mine. (as if it ever was!)