oh boy

i have always wanted to adopt. even when i was in high school i wanted to be a big sister to some kid & i even looked into it seriously. but they wouldn't let me choose a kid, instead they wanted to match me up with someone, which i thought defeated the natural connections people made with one another so that didn't work. i imagined looking into a room full of orphans & then saying: that one! my mom was worried everyone would get attached to some kid i brought home.
eventually i adopted my machiavelli & later tenzin lama. sure they are dogs but you would be surprised what adopting & raising dogs tells you about what you can handle & about who you are. i developed what i have been calling my 5 year plan. i adopted mac then 5 years later, almost to the day, i adopted teno. it has worked out swimmingly. so in a couple of years (now that tentoes is 3) i will adopt something else. i always say i'll adopt a penguin or something.
when my good friend petros packed his gear & dog & moved to latvia, i told him to keep an eye open for a blond baby boy for me to adopt down the line. first, i have always imagined having a blond baby boy, i don't know why. genetics is not on my side (believe me) so i figure adopting would be the only way. the way the stupid adoption/fostering system works in this country is ridiculous. do your research & you will see what i mean. so of course i thought, try another country, preferably third world because they are not so tied up in red tape & they probably still have orphanages. petros had concerns, having summered in latvia all his life before emigrating, that the alcoholism in that country was so high, it may be difficult to find a child whose parents didn't drink that moonshine so prevalent.
well, he emailed me today & said he found a baby named raimond. he says his mother wanted to check me out to see if i'd be a good mother. the kid is still breastfeeding & is about a year old. frankly he may be too young, i was thinking more of a toddler. but i told petros to take some photos & keep me posted. i also told him that i would change that name immediately. i think names are important & raimond just doesn't cut it. no offense to latvian history or tradition. then of course more questions pop into my mind: why wouldn't his mother keep him? why would you give up your kids at all? am i really going to adopt a kid? this kid?
i mentioned it to quan tuo who gave me such a funny face. it's not the first time i've mentioned adopting to him. although he already suggested he choose the next dog we adopt. i may have frightened him a little too.
in all honesty i don't believe that a woman has to bear her own kids to really love them. in a way, i think you love them even a little bit more because you chose them. many of my friends have kids, some of them are adopted from other countries & they are their kids, regardless of appearance or genetics. i always admired that in these friends. moreover, i don't think i personally need to go through the pregnancy experience. a girlfriend of mine went through it recently & confirmed that it's not all it's cracked up to be. i always thought if it happens then it was meant to be but then again i have always been very safe.
so i ask myself: can this really be done? can i afford to have a child to raise along with my dogs? i suppose everyone asks themselves these questions, weighing the so-called pros & cons. the cost isn't just financial by any means. it changes things entirely. it's a lot to consider. but it is worth considering, i think.
for all i know, nothing will happen of this. it just sparked some thoughts/ideas i haven't thought about in a long time.
that's not entirely true though, i think about it when quan tuo & i talk about the future (something i am not in the habit of thinking about). we do talk about where we are going & all that jazz. people think that one only considers adoption when one cannot have their own blood-children. i don't see that to be the case. i feel it's much more wonderful to give a child that doesn't have anything or anyone a family. i am not selfish enough to require having kids that look just like me or cut from the same form. the difference may be more lovely in fact.
just musing on the idea.