1..2..3..testing! testing!

i can't believe testing is coming around again. i just read KFDU! & there was some very inspiring thoughts on it on how to approach the next weeks (egad! a month or less before testing!).

i have not forgotten my disappointment from last testing but i am not attached to it, afterall, i have been training harder since last time. not only will i test for chuji quantao again this time but for yiluquan too. i still have to build up the stamina for yiluquan & pop in all the right places. i also have to sharpen up all around. maybe some tengkong fanyao practice outside temple (on the grassy grass where it will hurt less when i land incorrectly on my arse).

i cannot say that i don't already have a tummy ache about testing. i was nervous last time but i did my best & yet did not pass. if i do not pass again, then i keep going until i do. i will freak out if i to test for the 3 forms at once though! that's so exhausting, just thinking about it.

this bout of testing will take some KF brothers to level 2 which makes me a little sad because we have such a great group & already have lost some people to L2 though some consistently make L1 training. but life is all about change, as i remind myself all the time. one day i too will be in L2 with everyone, probably doing both levels.

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right before testing, the disciple ceremony will be held & i long to be there to hear sifu read part of quan tuo's letter [though i have read it in it's entirety]. he will get a disciple name which is so wonderful & for that i am envious. i don't have a chinese name though i do have my cho[m]p. besides which i am so curious about the ceremony & all that. so before the end of this month i will be referring to quan tuo as something else - heng [something] shi. that boy already has so many names i use for him. just like my boyos. oh but i digress...

i have written letters to sifu before but never submitted them. i don't think i ever will. discipleship is not the only way to show your commitment & love for shaolin kung fu. let's face it, i am not the disciple-type though it is what you make of it. my devotion & appreciation will find it's own way of manifesting. one can have a closer relationship with sifu too in other ways, if this is what you crave. i think my relationship with sifu is a good one. sure, i get some sifu love but i also approach him very differently than others do. i respect him as a teacher & an inspiration. i think he feels the difference. also he sees me pretty often in & out of temple so it's not as if our only interaction is on the floor where he yells at me. i will always remember what heng zhi told me: you are very lucky! the worst things in the world is for sifu to ignore you. amituofo!