testing is this saturday as i have previously mentioned. it is my first test. no refinements last night as we were distracted by my home-made pasta dinner, smoking & drinks at home with charles & his happy dog nina. everyone drank a bit too much. the boyos went straight to bed without dinner. [oh its a rarity & they are not gonna die! clearly they have enough energy to pout around!!]
quan tuo wants to watch me test which is so great but it gives me pause. i do want him to watch, he sends pretty palpable good energy my way (& in other directions too) but in a way since it's my first test, shouldn't it be something i experience alone? i will never have my first test again in shaolin kung fu.
the other thing is that i wish to do well for my own sake but want him to be proud. as with loved ones or friends, their criticisms, though constructive, hit a sensitive nerve. i have to be ever vigilant to process things in a certain way & not allow my feelings to be hurt. i think of them as inspirational words whenever possible. still though, arms can't go that high or stay that high. sifu says, try. so i try.
as i have yet to test, i don't know the rules. can anyone testing watch everyone who tests? it's just added pressure with a big crowd. moreover i test at 10:30 which means i need to get there super early so i can stretch & warm up. quan tuo doesn't test til 2:30. can i leave & come back? so many questions.
i remember one of the first times i was in line to practice forms & it was exciting & i wasn't privy to all the rules either. people were yelling out to me, some said my name then heng zhou called me by my first & last name. it completely caught me off guard. i lost where i was & had to start again. that distraction is worrisome when it is testing time.
perhaps i will meditate tonight & friday. i meditate all the time. but this time i will actually give the time to complete one of my favourite meditations i haven't done in a while: the sound meditation by wayne dyer. it will help me clear & bring peace to my busy mind.
i am very excited about it. i have tummy rumblings. everything lives in my stomach, as they may live for others in their necks or lower backs. i suppose the excitement borders on fear like all good things. i have to bring "more chi than i have ever brought before". what does this really mean? i understand being sharp & being smooth & extending. also remembering refinements or things i need to correct. for this i will bring energy & pep. confidence. i hope it doesn't mean i have to bring my tiger or dragon face, i haven't fashioned those yet.
i so enjoy being at temple & training but i do have adverse reactions to things. i smile & laugh when things are difficult or painful. i cry when i am angry. i am sure many feel this way. it is overwhelming. i believe there is no "correct" way to respond to emotions. we are not as zoidberg pronounces it "robits". quan tuo has said many times that i skip to the back when sifu sends me back. what am i supposed to do? trudge back angrily? what does that do? i say OK SIFU & go to the back. also i thrive off other people's energy & they are receptive to me & it is reciprocal. perhaps i should just go into my own head & stay there but it's unnatural to me. eye contact & as heng li says smiles (for) everyone.
i am happy to train tonite. no expectations. i will show up & we will see what happens. although i do hope heng chi'eh is there but whatever or whoever is fine too. it's already been too long.
quan tuo loves his feivues which fit him well. i am so glad. mine, however, are too large. i will see if i can give them to qbertplaya tonight, i hope they fit her. must order a size smaller. pity too since i had him lace them up all good & proper. quan tuo also quickly perused the WING CHUN techniques which i think he wants to practice with me. i am glad, it'll be good fun & a nice addition to our training repertoire.
i hope we can sort out training together with him going to level 2. i do love training with him. also he's so great to watch (on the sly of course). i am anticipating learning a whole lot of new things through him because he always shares with me. this is so great by the way. he even did a little show for charles & nina last night of chuji quantao. so cute. he isn't shy about it at all. nor should he be. he told me he's seen this site so i should be careful not to butter him up too too much.
in recent conversations with friends in & out of temple, i learned that people who date online are very specific about the kinds of people they are looking for. i mean, we all are but with the online world you can actually list activities, hobbies, interests that another must fulfill in order to correspond with any depth. i would never date online or chat with people i don't know. too much of what i like about people: how their body moves, how they smell, among many, many other things, is lost when you don't see or interact with the person in the flesh. however, i was thinking too that i have never actually articulated it to myself before but i do need someone with a bit of the rough & tumble in them. i would not go as far as saying i could never be with someone who didn't train in kung fu. but i will say the physical aspects that training or sports bring about are pretty important - the time spent, the discipline, the challenge - all these things have to be part of the person's life in order to be part of my life. i feel very lucky with quan tuo in this particular aspect & i must say it adds a sweet (although sweaty) layer to things.
similarly, need i say that i could never be with someone who didn't love my boyos? like training, they are so much part of my life & who i am that it would be ridiculous to be involved with someone who did not care for them. or were crazy for them.
it is different with friends, i think. one need not be crazy about their lover's friends but should tolerate as best as possible. neither should one drop friends their lovers dislike. friends are there often before the lover & long after that lover is gone. in the best case, everyone becomes best, best friends & it's all good times, good times. we should all be so lucky.
this is what happens when the SOS band is playing. on pandora streaming music i am listening to JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. this leads me to another short rant: i have always loved the SOS band. in particular it represents a certain time to me as well as certain experiences. listen to the lyrics, most of the songs are strangely tolerant or agreeable to messing around. it's almost like a stand with this band - i will be there long after all the others are gone; go play around, i'll be here when you are done. it's the other woman's voice. here is a short list of songs, most of which i can sing along to:
SANDS OF TIME
THE FINEST
JUST BE GOOD TO ME
TELL ME IF YOU STILL CARE
EVEN WHEN YOU SLEEP
i guess i've always known the lyrics to be so particular. it does take me back (way back). ok, enough of that.
MORE CHI! TRAIN HARDER! AMITUOFO!
quan tuo wants to watch me test which is so great but it gives me pause. i do want him to watch, he sends pretty palpable good energy my way (& in other directions too) but in a way since it's my first test, shouldn't it be something i experience alone? i will never have my first test again in shaolin kung fu.
the other thing is that i wish to do well for my own sake but want him to be proud. as with loved ones or friends, their criticisms, though constructive, hit a sensitive nerve. i have to be ever vigilant to process things in a certain way & not allow my feelings to be hurt. i think of them as inspirational words whenever possible. still though, arms can't go that high or stay that high. sifu says, try. so i try.
as i have yet to test, i don't know the rules. can anyone testing watch everyone who tests? it's just added pressure with a big crowd. moreover i test at 10:30 which means i need to get there super early so i can stretch & warm up. quan tuo doesn't test til 2:30. can i leave & come back? so many questions.
i remember one of the first times i was in line to practice forms & it was exciting & i wasn't privy to all the rules either. people were yelling out to me, some said my name then heng zhou called me by my first & last name. it completely caught me off guard. i lost where i was & had to start again. that distraction is worrisome when it is testing time.
perhaps i will meditate tonight & friday. i meditate all the time. but this time i will actually give the time to complete one of my favourite meditations i haven't done in a while: the sound meditation by wayne dyer. it will help me clear & bring peace to my busy mind.
i am very excited about it. i have tummy rumblings. everything lives in my stomach, as they may live for others in their necks or lower backs. i suppose the excitement borders on fear like all good things. i have to bring "more chi than i have ever brought before". what does this really mean? i understand being sharp & being smooth & extending. also remembering refinements or things i need to correct. for this i will bring energy & pep. confidence. i hope it doesn't mean i have to bring my tiger or dragon face, i haven't fashioned those yet.
i so enjoy being at temple & training but i do have adverse reactions to things. i smile & laugh when things are difficult or painful. i cry when i am angry. i am sure many feel this way. it is overwhelming. i believe there is no "correct" way to respond to emotions. we are not as zoidberg pronounces it "robits". quan tuo has said many times that i skip to the back when sifu sends me back. what am i supposed to do? trudge back angrily? what does that do? i say OK SIFU & go to the back. also i thrive off other people's energy & they are receptive to me & it is reciprocal. perhaps i should just go into my own head & stay there but it's unnatural to me. eye contact & as heng li says smiles (for) everyone.
i am happy to train tonite. no expectations. i will show up & we will see what happens. although i do hope heng chi'eh is there but whatever or whoever is fine too. it's already been too long.
quan tuo loves his feivues which fit him well. i am so glad. mine, however, are too large. i will see if i can give them to qbertplaya tonight, i hope they fit her. must order a size smaller. pity too since i had him lace them up all good & proper. quan tuo also quickly perused the WING CHUN techniques which i think he wants to practice with me. i am glad, it'll be good fun & a nice addition to our training repertoire.
i hope we can sort out training together with him going to level 2. i do love training with him. also he's so great to watch (on the sly of course). i am anticipating learning a whole lot of new things through him because he always shares with me. this is so great by the way. he even did a little show for charles & nina last night of chuji quantao. so cute. he isn't shy about it at all. nor should he be. he told me he's seen this site so i should be careful not to butter him up too too much.
in recent conversations with friends in & out of temple, i learned that people who date online are very specific about the kinds of people they are looking for. i mean, we all are but with the online world you can actually list activities, hobbies, interests that another must fulfill in order to correspond with any depth. i would never date online or chat with people i don't know. too much of what i like about people: how their body moves, how they smell, among many, many other things, is lost when you don't see or interact with the person in the flesh. however, i was thinking too that i have never actually articulated it to myself before but i do need someone with a bit of the rough & tumble in them. i would not go as far as saying i could never be with someone who didn't train in kung fu. but i will say the physical aspects that training or sports bring about are pretty important - the time spent, the discipline, the challenge - all these things have to be part of the person's life in order to be part of my life. i feel very lucky with quan tuo in this particular aspect & i must say it adds a sweet (although sweaty) layer to things.
similarly, need i say that i could never be with someone who didn't love my boyos? like training, they are so much part of my life & who i am that it would be ridiculous to be involved with someone who did not care for them. or were crazy for them.
it is different with friends, i think. one need not be crazy about their lover's friends but should tolerate as best as possible. neither should one drop friends their lovers dislike. friends are there often before the lover & long after that lover is gone. in the best case, everyone becomes best, best friends & it's all good times, good times. we should all be so lucky.
this is what happens when the SOS band is playing. on pandora streaming music i am listening to JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. this leads me to another short rant: i have always loved the SOS band. in particular it represents a certain time to me as well as certain experiences. listen to the lyrics, most of the songs are strangely tolerant or agreeable to messing around. it's almost like a stand with this band - i will be there long after all the others are gone; go play around, i'll be here when you are done. it's the other woman's voice. here is a short list of songs, most of which i can sing along to:
SANDS OF TIME
THE FINEST
JUST BE GOOD TO ME
TELL ME IF YOU STILL CARE
EVEN WHEN YOU SLEEP
i guess i've always known the lyrics to be so particular. it does take me back (way back). ok, enough of that.
MORE CHI! TRAIN HARDER! AMITUOFO!
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